“In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.”
Helping Your Teenager Get Divorced
I don't know if you have noticed, but teenagers who date go through boy/girlfriends at an alarming rate. Television shows like the bachelor, bachelorette, the sex box, and even your average sitcom glorify dating, and worse, sexual activity in the dating process is glorified. In fact, dating has become more about great sex than companionship, mutual fulfillment, honoring God, procreation (this is different from simply having sex), mutual support, even sanctification. This is, in part, why homosexuality and same sex marriage have begun to be accepted. Even more problematic is the approach some parents take towards dating, it is often encouraged at a young age. Dads tease their kids about it in an almost endearing way, moms talk about how cute it is and so on (I admit, I've teased my kids). What's the problem? The problem is that parents who do this are also the ones helping the kid break up (divorce) when things don't work out. Before you start sending me nasty emails, hear me out. I'm not suggesting that there are ways to avoid break ups, but I am suggesting that when kids start dating too soon or with an improper understanding we may be setting them up for failure in their marriage.
In essence, we are helping them learn how to get divorced. What is divorce if it is not a break up with more assets, and perhaps kids, involved? Think about it, they start dating, and in this culture they will be pressured to become physically involved. With physical involvement comes emotional and spiritual intimacy for which they are not ready...then comes the breakup/divorce.
So what is a parent suppose to do? As parents it is easy to fall prey to cultural influences. Nobody wants to be the outcast, it doesn't matter how old they are. The truth is that culture is really good at turning out certain kinds of people, the kind that fit into the norms culture has decided upon. Unfortunately, these norms often run contrary to Biblical norms. Being a parent is as much more about evaluating culture and determining what practices to embrace and which ones to reject than it is about deciding when the kids should go to bed, what they should eat for lunch, which extra curricular activities with which they should be involved.
Several years ago when my daughter was in fifth grade and a couple of her friends were starting to "date" or have "boyfriends." All of the sudden she was interested in having a boyfriend as well. We had a conversation about the purpose of dating, which I believe is to find a spouse. Of course simply preaching this message would have probably been a bad strategy, so I led her on a logical journey and helped her discover this on her own. My daughter is now 16 and she doesn't plan on dating until she is in college. I realize I am blessed and this would not necessarily be the case with every kid. However, I also realize that the conversation we had when she was in 5th grade (and many times since then) set the stage for how she would view "dating" from that point on. I don't want to help her practice divorce. My prayer is that she will never have to experience the kind of heartbreak that goes with that kind of a break up. Perhaps there will be some break ups along the way, but I am not going to help my teenager get divorced.
Matt Chandler and his wife talk about this in a video here.
Jesus was an Extremist!
I'm not sure when it started, but somewhere along the line it became popular to call certain people extremists. I have traced it back to at least the 1960's. When Barry Goldwater gave his acceptance speech at the 1964 Republican Convention he reacted to the label of "Extremism" by saying, "Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice moderation in pursuit of justice is no virtue." Whether you think Barry Goldwater was a good man or not, don't miss the point. The tactic of calling ones opponent an extremist has long been employed to marginalize the arguments offered no matter what the topic and no matter how reasonable the arguments. The underlying assumption is that all forms of extremism are inherently evil and that moderation is inherently good.
If extremism is inherently evil and moderation inherently good, we ought to be able to look at history and see that our heroes were people of moderation in what they said and did. So, let's take a look at the greatest hero of all time, Jesus. It seems that almost everyone wants Jesus on their side whether they are Christians or not. Even Muslims claim Jesus as a prophet. Some Buddhists claim Jesus was on them. Jews are a little bit of a mixed bag when it comes to Jesus, but many of them hold Jesus' teaching in high regard. Even many atheists claim Jesus was a good man or moral teacher. Could it be that the most beloved historical figure in all human history, the one that almost everyone wants to lay claim to was, as the title to this post suggests, an extremist?
The simple answer is yes! Okay, but what is the evidence for such a claim? The evidence found is found in both the teachings and actions of Jesus himself. First, let's take a look at some of the most extreme teachings of Jesus. Perhaps the most famous sermon Jesus ever delivered was the Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5-7. In 5:20 Jesus says something that many readers probably don't see as extreme, but if you were Jewish in the first century, you would have seen it as extreme. Jesus says that unless a person is more righteous than the pharisees, that person would not enter the kingdom of heaven. The pharisees were the most righteous people in the land, at least on the outside. They were so committed to following the law found in the first 5 books of the Bible that they made over 600 additional laws to make sure they didn't break God's law. For instance the concept of work was strictly defined and many activities, including exactly how far one was allowed to walk on the sabbath, were prohibited. All of this to maintain righteousness, but Jesus was saying a person had to be more righteous than the pharisees. Just a few verses later Jesus says, "Anyone who says, 'you fool' will be in danger of the fires of hell!" You don't have to be a first century Jew to think that sounds extreme. In 5:38 and following Jesus says if someone sues you and wants your shirt, give them your coat as well. WHAT?
Jesus didn't just say extreme things, he did them. He touched a man with leprosy when he healed him. This wasn't just a party foul, this was viewed as putting the community at risk by spreading the disease. Jesus put mud in a guys eyes to heal him. He let a woman wash his feet with her hair and a burial perfume. Removed from their context these things may not seem extreme, but put in context, these are extremist actions.
The most extreme thing Jesus did was take a beating and go to the cross when he was innocent and in so doing he took on the sins of humanity in his death and conquered sin and death in His resurrection. This is extreme!!
Extremism is never the problem, extremism based on an ideology that leads to evil actions is the problem. Let's be extreme in our commitment to God and let's be extreme in our attempt to live the values that Jesus taught.
John Byrne is a pastor who has been spouting off his opinions his entire life (just ask his mom). This little blog is his venue for continuing in this tradition.