Guidelines for Asking for a Father's Blessing in Marriage

Call me anything you want, but this is a tradition that should not go away.  To be clear, no one has asked for my daughters hand in marriage as I sit and write this.  That said, she has a serious boyfriend and that has caused me to think about this issue a little more.  What will I tell my son when he comes to me and says, "Dad, this is the one, how should I approach her dad?"  

While there may be exceptions, it is imperative for a man to talk to the father of his girlfriend and seek his blessing before getting engaged.  This shows respect to the man who will become the father-in-law and likely still has a huge influence on the wife to be.  If harmony and peace with the in-laws is something you desire, talk to the father-in-law to be.  Here is my advice:

1. Make sure you have spent time praying about this decision.  Don't ask God if this is the right one.  Don't ask God to give you a sign.  Ask for wisdom and discernment.  Nowhere in Scripture does it say that God will give you a sign, but it does say He will give wisdom generously to those who ask.
2. Don't surprise your girlfriend.  She should know that you are serious enough to talk to the dad.  She will likely have some advice for how to approach him.  
3. Make sure you have taken time to get to know the father-in-law before you go and ask for the woman's hand in marriage.  Even have significant conversations about serious topics ahead of time.  Spend more time listening than speaking.  The dad is older, has some wisdom (hopefully), and likely has a lot of good advice to offer.  It doesn't hurt to listen, if you come off as a know it all he will think you are a punk.  You don't have to agree, but show some restraint.
4. Take the dad out somewhere or go to the house WITHOUT THE GIRL!  This is a conversation between you and the dad.  Schedule this time, don't just show up or call at the last minute.  Whatever you do, you buy (dinner, golf, whatever).  If you are doing it at the house, make sure you have time to go for a walk or something.
5. Don't surprise the dad.  You don't have to outright tell him what you are doing, but there should be enough evidence that he has a good idea it is coming.  
6. When you ask for the blessing, start with a statement about your commitment to his daughter.  This is not an expression of how beautiful she is, or some kind of weird love letter type of expression.  That isn't what the dad is concerned about.  Dad's are concerned about the tough times that will undoubtedly come.  What will be your commitment to love his daughter when tragedy strikes, when she is no longer as beautiful as she is right now, and so on.  
7. When her dad starts speaking, shut up and listen.  Don't argue or be defensive.  Ask clarifying questions and answer his questions with an hone honest strait forward answer.  Receive advice with an open mind.
8. Assuming the dad says "yes!" Ask him to pray for you and his daughter.  If he is not a Christian this may not apply.
9. Plan something nice for that moment when you ask the daughter for her hand in marriage, but don't be too extravagant.  Simple, romantic, and not out of character.

Enjoy these moments with all the anticipation and stress that comes with it.  Don't be freaked out.  The dad might say some hard things and he may not respond appropriately to some things.  If that happens extend grace to him, you are asking to take the second most important woman in his life and marry her.  

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