“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
I have often repeated a joke when officiating a wedding, it goes like this, "There are only two problems with this marriage, (pausing before speaking directly to the bride and groom) you and you!" It may not come through in this format very well, but it usually gets a good laugh. That said, I am sure some people are taken back a little too much to laugh in the moment. While it is a joke, it is also serious. There are no perfect people and there are no perfect brides or grooms. If there are, the likelihood of them being able to find one another and marry are statistically zero. Every person brings faults, bad habits, baggage, and sin into every relationship they enter into. Marriage is two people who have faults, bad habits, baggage, and sin living in close proximity to each other and most of the time they create little humans who have their own sin problems and will take on some of the bad habits of their parents and over time accumulate their own baggage...what could possible go wrong? (laugh here)
Like a new car, the first days of marriage are often filled with bliss. Everything seems to work and the new car smell is oddly amazing, but as the car ages things start to go wrong and the new car smell turns into a variety of other aroma's. The warranty (think easy forgiveness) makes the early breakdowns easier to deal with. As time goes on the warranty expires and the cost for repairs increases (forgiveness gets more difficult). Eventually, the car seems to break down on a more frequent basis. Often times this is because it has been driven somewhat recklessly (like a teenager who doesn't understand the damage they are doing until it is too late and the car has run out of oil and thrown a rod), but sometimes it is just ware and tear. Constant maintenance and repair was necessary all along, but it was too often ignored. Eventually it becomes easier to trade it in for something different or even go without one. This is where the car analogy starts to...well, it breaks down. Unlike cars, spouses aren't so easily replaced...nor should they be.
The truth is that EVERY marriage needs repair and maintenance. That means it needs to be addressed with with some maturity. Like a car, it needs oil changes and that requires resources (time and money). Like a car it may also need to be taken in to have some parts replaced from time to time. If you don't repair it, it will eventually just quit working all together. In marriage this often means setting aside the resources to give your spouse the attention they need, especially when you don't want to.
Selfishness is the biggest marriage killer there is. When your perceived needs outweigh the needs of your spouse, the marriage will begin heading toward failure. If you are unwilling to give something up for the sake of your partner, you are the problem! The apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 5 that we are to submit one to another (v. 22). That means the husband sacrifices himself for his bride just as Christ did for the church. That means that you don't "put your foot down." That means you don't demand, control, or anything of the sort. It does mean you serve, set your own desires aside, and work to present your spouse holy before God. It means you pray for your spouse, serve your spouse, love your spouse, and so on. For the wife, that means the act of submission. This doesn't mean submission to an abusive husband nor does it mean not giving an opinion, even a very strong one. It doesn't mean being a wall flower or a door mat, quite the opposite. It does however mean setting aside your own desires in order to uplift, encourage, and support your husband out of respect (vv. 23ff).
A new car becomes an out of warranty car which often becomes a car in need of constant attention, but given enough TLC it will become a classic, a beautiful car that has seen a lot of good and bad days, but rightly cared for or even restored it's a piece of art with a lot of stories to tell. If you want a classic some day, you have to stop driving like an adolescent. You might have to grow up (become more like Christ) give up bad habits, overcome sin, get rid of addiction, seek some help, stop trying to control, be embarrassed by the occasional backfire, and spend A LOT of resources. It will require sacrifice (that's the one step), more than you could imagine, but the payoff is outstanding!!
John Byrne is a pastor who has been spouting off his opinions his entire life (just ask his mom). This little blog is his venue for continuing in this tradition.