Call me anything you want, but this is a tradition that should not go away.  To be clear, no one has asked for my daughters hand in marriage as I sit and write this.  That said, she has a serious boyfriend and that has caused me to think about this issue a little more.  What will I tell my son when he comes to me and says, "Dad, this is the one, how should I approach her dad?"  

While there may be exceptions, it is imperative for a man to talk to the father of his girlfriend and seek his blessing before getting engaged.  This shows respect to the man who will become the father-in-law and likely still has a huge influence on the wife to be.  If harmony and peace with the in-laws is something you desire, talk to the father-in-law to be.  Here is my advice:

1. Make sure you have spent time praying about this decision.  Don't ask God if this is the right one.  Don't ask God to give you a sign.  Ask for wisdom and discernment.  Nowhere in Scripture does it say that God will give you a sign, but it does say He will give wisdom generously to those who ask.
2. Don't surprise your girlfriend.  She should know that you are serious enough to talk to the dad.  She will likely have some advice for how to approach him.  
3. Make sure you have taken time to get to know the father-in-law before you go and ask for the woman's hand in marriage.  Even have significant conversations about serious topics ahead of time.  Spend more time listening than speaking.  The dad is older, has some wisdom (hopefully), and likely has a lot of good advice to offer.  It doesn't hurt to listen, if you come off as a know it all he will think you are a punk.  You don't have to agree, but show some restraint.
4. Take the dad out somewhere or go to the house WITHOUT THE GIRL!  This is a conversation between you and the dad.  Schedule this time, don't just show up or call at the last minute.  Whatever you do, you buy (dinner, golf, whatever).  If you are doing it at the house, make sure you have time to go for a walk or something.
5. Don't surprise the dad.  You don't have to outright tell him what you are doing, but there should be enough evidence that he has a good idea it is coming.  
6. When you ask for the blessing, start with a statement about your commitment to his daughter.  This is not an expression of how beautiful she is, or some kind of weird love letter type of expression.  That isn't what the dad is concerned about.  Dad's are concerned about the tough times that will undoubtedly come.  What will be your commitment to love his daughter when tragedy strikes, when she is no longer as beautiful as she is right now, and so on.  
7. When her dad starts speaking, shut up and listen.  Don't argue or be defensive.  Ask clarifying questions and answer his questions with an hone honest strait forward answer.  Receive advice with an open mind.
8. Assuming the dad says "yes!" Ask him to pray for you and his daughter.  If he is not a Christian this may not apply.
9. Plan something nice for that moment when you ask the daughter for her hand in marriage, but don't be too extravagant.  Simple, romantic, and not out of character.

Enjoy these moments with all the anticipation and stress that comes with it.  Don't be freaked out.  The dad might say some hard things and he may not respond appropriately to some things.  If that happens extend grace to him, you are asking to take the second most important woman in his life and marry her.  

Food is a necessary thing; eat or die, the choice is yours.  Literally, we must eat in order to stay alive, but that doesn't mean we should eat whatever we want or however much we want.  I had some misconceptions about dieting.  When I went on my strict diet at 204 lbs I thought I was going to be consistently hungry, I was wrong.  Often, it's not how much you eat, but what you eat!  In fact, I am in the maintenance stage of my diet which simply means I can add a few things back into my diet, but I don't get to add cotton candy or Mountain Dew.  I do get to add some healthy things that have some of the healthier fats back in and I may need to add more food, but still healthy food.

Sin works a lot like a healthy diet.  It isn't the desire for food, sex, comfort, or information about others that is wrong, it is the kind of food, sex, comfort, or information and the manner in which those things are acquired that is wrong.  Finding comfort at the bottom of a bottle or from a pill bottle is sin.  Sex is good and created good by God, but satisfying ones sexual desires with acts of rape or outside the context of marriage is sin.  Acquiring information by means of gossip and spreading it when inappropriate is sin.  When it comes to food, a diet is all about getting rid of the wrongs kinds of food and the wrong amounts so that your body has the fuel it needs to perform.

I am sitting at 172 lbs right now and I am trying to stabilize my weight so that I can maintain it.  I am actually concerned about how much food I am going to have to eat to maintain my weight, but that doesn't mean I can go back to Mountain Dew and Cotton Candy!  I have to eat more of the right kind of foods to provide the right kind and the right amount of fuel for my body.  This is why I'm not a fan of cheat days where you can eat whatever you want for a day and go back to your diet.  Too often this leads to bing eating junk food.

I know this seems radical, but I had to get radical.  Mountain Dew ruled my food world.  I would even say it was the sin of gluttony for me.  Proverbs 23:19-21 says, "Listen, my son, and be wise, and set your heart on the right path:  Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags."  Mountain Dew wasn't the only food, there were other culprits, but MD was the worst one.  Can I drink soda or Mountain Dew?  Nope!  Can you?  Maybe, but it will take over my life if I drink it.  If it won't take over yours fine, but it did mine.  What about you?  What takes over your life and causes you to do wrong things?  Get rid of those things.  Followers of Jesus are to walk by the spirit and often that means saying no to the flesh.  If food controls your life, go on a diet for the rest of your life.  I can have pizza once and a while without sinning or ruining my diet, but I can't have Mountain Dew.

Dieting is about slaying the things that cause you problems and finding the right things to put in your body to live a healthy life.  Some things are wrong for everyone, others are a matter if conscience and not being ruled by the flesh (Gal. 5).  I've had a lot of people comment about my weight loss, everybody can see that, But I have had to make radical changes to deal with other things in my life that aren't so obvious.  Living healthy isn't about moderately eating bad things or moderately participating in sinful behavior, it is about getting rid of it.  On both accounts, where I have experienced victory, I am better for it.  I'm not missing anything.

In the picture on the right I probably weigh about 240 lbs I got up to 250 lbs at one point.  On the left I weigh about 175 lbs.  As of this moment I am 173 lbs.  I have learned a lot in going from 250 lbs to 173 lbs.  One blog post won't cover it all, but here are a few of the important things.

First, for me working out wasn't enough.  I have worked out and even done a lot of cardio supplemented by a little weight lifting in the past.  I gained muscle working out that way, but I also maintained or even gained weight.  Perhaps when a person is younger (depending on their metabolism) they might be able to just add some cardio and be good.  For me, as I got older my metabolism didn't cooperate and it didn't work.  My body reacted to lifting by adding muscle pretty fast but I also added a lot of weight that wasn't muscle.  

Second, I had to be passionate about my workouts.  For me that meant MMA.  I love doing Jiu Jitsu and Muay Thai and I have become an instructor, as well as a student.  Both offer a great work out along with challenging the mind by learning a variety of techniques that take a lot of work to master.

Third, the closer I got to my goal weight the more diet mattered.  The first 50 lbs came off with a lot of working out and small diet changes.  The last 27 lbs have required a more significant change in diet.  I met with a nutritionist to help me figure mine out.  Furthermore, when I say diet, I don't mean a short term diet, I mean a change in lifestyle when it comes to the food I eat.  I eat a lot of food, but it is combined with significant workouts.  

Fourth, it took me 2 1/2 years to lose all the weight with a variety of plateaus and a lot of learning along the way.  I'm still learning and my diet will change a little bit in the near future to reflect a maintenance diet, but it will remain a very clean diet for the rest of my life.  Losing weight is not a short term project if you want to keep it off, it is a lifetime commitment.  

Fifth, I experienced physical injuries, soreness, and a lot of days where I didn't want to do the work, but did anyway.  I had time off because of injuries and I will probably have some more of that in the future, but I will stay the course.  

Last, it was all worth it.  I am healthier, I have endurance, I mentally healthier, my stress level is more manageable, I am experiencing less pain in my joints, I am doing 14ers again without knee pain, I am running 2-3 miles a few times a week.  Today I ran two miles went to a kickboxing class with my daughter, and then did an hour and 45 minutes of competition team.  I was tired, but I was able to manage it and still feel good. I look better and feel better.  If you have been struggling with weight, do what is necessary to deal with it.  We ought not worship our physical body, but it taking care of it holds value; our spiritual life is of more value (1 Tim. 4:8).

People, all people, no matter their ethnicity, country of origin, current location, or anything else are created in the image of God. How can they possibly be illegal?  It's true, people aren't illegal.  In fact, I have tried to find someone making the argument that people are illegal are illegal and I have failed to find such an argument made by anyone.  Now, the internet is filled with all kinds of crazies and I would imagine that if I looked hard enough I might be able to find some crazy making such an argument.  It seems fair to say that no person in their right mind having given this any kind of significant thought is making this argument.  Perhaps some conservative has fallen for the bait (the bait being the statement"people are not illegal!") and attempted to respond with some kind of statement.  

Where did this statement come from?  This statement came from the same place "marriage equality," "pro-choice," "gun control," and a whole host of other such statements came from.  It comes from people who have a brilliant approach to rhetoric and a lot of what the apostle Paul calls "πιθανολογία" which means "persuasive speech."  Someone or some group of people somewhere came up with this statement "people are not illegal" and for the uninitiated it sounds as if there is some large group of people or some powerful people suggesting that people are illegal.  Of course this surrounds the issue of immigration.  

Does the statement "People are not illegal" make a valid point?

This statement assumes an argument that is not being made, but more than that, people are not illegal for being people, but they can become "illegal" in the sense that they have taken some kind of illegal action.  For instance, I am not illegal for being me, but if I enter my neighbors locked home by breaking the window and climbing in I have now done something illegal.  That is to say, I have committed a crime.  When someone uses the term "illegal immigrant" they are not accusing the immigrant of being illegal for being a person, or even for being an immigrant.  They are saying that the manner in which they became an immigrant was illegal.  Of course there are legal ways of becoming and immigrant and there are illegal ways like overstaying a visa or crossing the border in an illegal fashion.  The same thing has been done with the LGBTQ+ community.  Any criticism or critique is painted as an attack on personhood.  

Saying we have an illegal immigration problem and that people are coming into our country illegally should not be controversial, but some sophists have done a good job of using language to make it seem like conservatives are "racist" or accusing people of being illegal simply because they are people.  All of it is an informal logical fallacy called "red herring."  It simply means it is a form of misdirection.  It might be worth noting that if people are illegal, then so are the people who are presumable accusing others of being illegal, but no such accusation is being made.

As the apostle Paul suggests in Colosians, we should not be convinced of things by "fine sounding" arguments.  Instead we should recognize the truth of Proverbs 10:19 "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise."

As I sit here at Masterpiece Bakery writing this blog post and reflecting on the decision by SCOTUS in favor of Jack Phillips I can't help rejoice in what God has done for Jack, but be a little concerned that SCOTUS didn't go far enough.  Undoubtedly, this is not the last we have heard about cases similar to the Masterpiece case.

The good, Jack has been vindicated regarding the Colorado Civil Rights Commission's treatment of Jack's case in particular.  Jack, Debbie, and Lisa are thrilled and excited about this ruling.  I am rejoicing with them and so are the steady stream of people coming in bringing flowers, balloons, and so on (Romans 12:15).  

The unclear, it is not yet known whether this means that Jack can begin making wedding cakes.  It seems likely that he will be able to, however, SCOTUS' ruling was sufficiently vague enough to leave this in question.  Further, it is likely that if he does, someone will undoubtedly test this issue again.  Although the ruling was 7-2, it was also a very narrow ruling.  

What the ruling did say is that the Colorado Civil Rights Commission was "hostile" in its treatment toward Masterpiece and the free exercise of religious freedom, especially considering other cases that were brought before the commission where the customers went into a Bakery requesting cakes that displayed messages against homosexuality and the Commission ruled in favor of those bakers to refuse to make those cakes. Here is what the ruling stated:  "The government, consistent with the Constitution’s guarantee of free exercise, cannot impose regulations that are hostile to the religious beliefs of affected citizens and cannot act in a manner that passes judgment upon or presupposes the illegitimacy of religious beliefs and practices."  While this is all good, it doesn't settle the matter for other similar cases.

What the ruling did not say is that businesses are allowed to make the same kind of distinctions that Jack made and refuse to provide particular products or services according to their convictions.  It seems likely that this issue will be before SCOTUS again at some point in the future.  It should also be noted that the opinion made reference to the timeline of the case.  Jack made the decision he made before SCOTUS had ruled on Obergefell and made the recognition of same sex marriage the law of the land.  In other words, they did not say that a business was free to do what Jack did in the current legal climate, but that Jack was within reason given the legal climate at that time.  

While this is a good ruling, it doesn't really come close to settling the issue.  

It's true, Jesus taught his followers how to have a happy life.  Perhaps one of the most notable places where Jesus did this is in the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount.  The famous passage is often referred to as "The Beatitudes."  The question is, at least in part, what kind of happiness does Jesus want for you and how do you get it?

Let me get through a little nitty gritty and then I'll get to the good stuff (actually the nitty gritty is what makes it good).  The Greek word (μακάριος) translated "blessed" in the beatitudes (you can read the beatitudes in Mt. 5:1-12) has a meaning that is much closer to the word "happiness" or even "flourishing."  In other words, Jesus is not pronouncing some kind of divine blessing in this text.  The beatitudes are more like proverbial sayings that are talking about general truths or realities.  As you read the beatitudes you will also see that they have a eschatological focus.  In other words, there is a way of being that leads to happiness and a flourishing life both in the here and now as well as in the life to come.  We ought to ask, at least for a moment, how we should understand happiness or flourishing.
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I train mixed martial arts (this is why).  I frequently show up to my office limping and I almost always have bruises somewhere on my body.  At the age of 44 you would think I would be over doing this kind of thing...well, I'm not.  The truth is in several ways it feeds me and teaches me lessons that are important for life, leadership, and more.  Over the last few weeks I have been helping some of my Muay Thai friends get ready for a promotion test that is often referred to as 60-40.  In short it means doing 60 kicks and 40 knees in 3 minutes.  Doesn't sound bad and if that is all there was to it, it wouldn't be.  Just the other day we were doing around 120 or 130 kicks and 80 or 90 knees in 3 minutes.  From a strictly cardio perspective 60-40 would be pretty easy.  The test is hard because the holder is also the punisher.  In other words this is done in a ring with a holder who is also kicking and punching you.  You cannot retaliate with punches and sweeps.  Furthermore, some forms of defense are frowned upon and should you use one of those, you will pay the price.  Trust me, the test is grueling and painful.  The past few weeks I have been helping some of my friends prepare for this test (I have done one and won't have another one for a while).  I have been relearning a lesson as I have helped in this process

One of the things Muah Thai fighter does, perhaps more than most other sports, is body hardening.  A lot of attention is given to hardening shins.  Videos of Muay Thai practitioners kicking trees, concrete posts, and rolling their shins are real.  Literally what happens is micro fractures are created and the leg heals stronger and more sturdy than before.  It's a lot like getting calluses on your finger from playing guitar or calluses from working in construction, just on a larger and often more painful scale.  It's not only the shins though, it is the legs overall, the abs, and even the ribs.  My friends and I have been doing some leg conditioning where we basically kick each other in the legs, stomach, and ribs repeatedly.  We did it in Muay Thai class last night.  I'm walking a little awkward today.  So, what's the lesson for life from something some might consider to be a brutal practice?

The lesson is both a cultural critique and an encouragement for parents and culture in general.  Body hardening equips the body and the mind to be able to absorb much harder blows in an actual fight.  The 60-40 simulates an actual fight; blows must be absorbed and dealt out.  Without working on hardening the body, the ability to take the punishment necessary would more often then not result in failure on the part of the fighter.  Life is often like a fight.  We must be able to absorb blows and failure throughout life if we are also to experience success and victory.  Too often we spend so much time protecting our kids that they are not prepared when they are required to absorb the blows life brings us.  No amount of effort will result in absolute protection of our children.  This is not to say we intentionally harm them in any way, but it is reasonable to put them in situations that have a certain amount of risk involved and it is smart to help them develop mental, spiritual, and physical toughness by pushing them to "play hurt".

If you talk to fighters you will find out quickly that they more often then not go into a fight less than 100% percent physically.  They are fighting in spite of injury and pain.  It's just part of the game.  Likewise, in the world of leadership and life in general, we often have to "play hurt."  The question is whether or not enough "body conditioning" has taken place to prepare us to do so.  The apostle Paul uses this same metaphor in his letter to Corinth, "Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize" (1 Cor. 9:26-27).  Obviously Paul isn't talking about his own fight career, but about his spiritual life.  The principle holds true across all aspects of life.  Toughness and grit have become undervalued in our society.  We should do our part to reverse the trend.

"Safety First,"  I've heard that phrase a million times, but usually not in my house.  My kids have both said it to me, but not more than a couple of times.  Undoubtedly they heard it in school or perhaps someone on TV said it.  Safety is, generally speaking, good, but it is not first or second or third.  I'm not the only one who thinks this, I'm not some nutcase on the fringe of society saying dumb and stupid things, at least not in this case.  

The New York Times recently reported that in Britain some are beginning to put objects in playgrounds that might be considered by some to be dangerous.  In these playgrounds you might find a variety of tools like saws and knives.  Now certainly these things aren't used without supervision by adults, but they are available nonetheless.  You might also find mud, bricks, 2x4s, and other such things.  The reasoning is simple, kids have been protected so much that they don't understand risk.  Maturity in decision making requires a risk benefit analysis, but how can you make those kinds of analysis without some kind of experience.  

The reality is that kids might get hurt once and a while, but there are a lot of lessons to be learned from failures and the consequences of those failures.  Cuts, scrapes, and bruises are a good and necessary part of childhood.  To deprive children of those things is to deprive them of toughness, resilience, and common sense.  I am thankful for my daughters experience of falling of a horse and fracturing five ribs and a bone in her back.  She learned what it was to get hurt, what it was to live through it, and what it was to get back on the horse again (literally).  Cuts, bruises, scrapes and even broken bones all cary with them important lessons.

It's not just Britain that is making these observations, watch this video from PragerU
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It is not true that safety leads to happiness.  Quite often the opposite is true.  Learning how to accept appropriate risk for the sake of the right kind of benefit leads not only to common sense, wisdom, and discernment, it often leads to happiness.  

No parent is perfect and upon reflection there are probably many things I would do a little different.  While I haven't necessarily been over protective, I would probably find ways to expose my kids to more appropriate risk if I had to do it all over again.  Perhaps we, as a society, can begin to allow a little more risk for our kids.

Students are walking out around the nation tomorrow mostly to demand that gun laws change as a result of the shooting in Parkland.  My previous post dealt with the email I got from my school district and how they were going to deal with this issue.  I was not happy to say the least, and I'm still not.  I want to be part of the solution as much as possible, so here are 5 ideas that are better than a walk out.

1. Make safety in school a topic in appropriate classes like Social Studies.  Present different solutions that have been brought up and discuss the pros and cons to those ideas.
2. Have a student assembly in memory of those who lost their lives in Parkland.  Have student leaders research and present different ideas to keep students safe.
3. Ask some politicians to come and do a debate regarding school safety at a school assembly.
4. 17 seconds of silence in memory of the 17 people who lost their lives in Parkland at the beginning of every class.
5. Give students time in class to write letters to politicians of their choice supporting the strategies they think would work best.  
6. Okay, one more.  Gather a cross section of parents from the school and listen to them (people who are actually adults).
7. Oh, here is another one.  Have a "Walk Up" day where students intentionally walked up and talked to students that seem to be loners to make sure we are not alienating kids who might later do terrible things.  

Maybe a little creativity (doesn't take much) would help administrators come up with ideas that are more productive and safer than walk outs.  

Where have the adults gone?  This is a serious question!  I just received an email from Jefferson County Public Schools telling me that they are working with students to plan walkouts on March 14th.  Excuse me?  This is absolutely wrong!  It's one thing for students to walk out, it is another for the administration to work with them.

I will get into the details of the email and the significant problems with it in a minute, but first a little rant.  I am not sending my son to school so he can learn how to walk out.  I am not sending my son to school so he can work with the teachers and administration to get out of homework.  I am not sending my son to school so he can learn to throw temper tantrums in a more civilized manner.  I am not sending my son to school so he can learn how to protest.  Quite simply I am sending my son to school so he can learn math, science, history, etc.  Stop indoctrinating kids in the schools with all of this nonsense!

Okay, now to the email.  It begins by saying, "Here in Jeffco, there are plans for student demonstrations during school and in the evening on March 14th. Though the district takes no position on these types of issues, we are respectful of everyone’s right to express their opinion peacefully."  This isn't a bad start, I am glad they are informing me as a parent that these plans exist so I can talk to my son and express my expectations to him.  It is notable that they take time to say that they take no position...they are Switzerland.  Are they really Switzerland though?

The email goes on to say, "We have worked with our school and student leaders in planning for March 14th - keeping our students as safe as possible and making sure these events are well-organized, orderly, and timely."  If you take no position, why are you helping the students plan it?  I know what the answer is, but I find it very problematic.  The answer is that they want students to be safe while they protest.  This is not the schools job!  The truth is the schools are supporting the position of the students by HELPING them plan the protest.  This is not what taking no position looks like.  When you help plan it, you are supporting it, you are taking a position whether you intended to or not.  If you want these students to learn how to be adults and how to protest, tell them to do it on their own time like they would have to if they had a job.

A little later in the email 3 expectations are presented, here is the first one:

• We expect our students to be respectful of each other and staff, to express their opinions in a responsible and peaceful manner, to communicate with school leadership, and to put learning first. 

Everything in this expectation is fine except the schools are not following it.  How is it respectful to teachers who work hard on a lesson plan for that day?  How is this respectful to the students who simply want to go to class and learn, but on that day won't be able to?  How is this a responsible way to express ones opinion?  Last, and perhaps most important, how are the schools putting 'learning first' by working with students to help them walk out of school?  The answer to all of these questions is that they are not living up to their own expectations...certainly not mine!

Expectation #2:

• ​We expect our staff to model professionalism, focus on education, encourage respectful, balanced discourse among students, and support a safe school environment.

Professionalism?  How can a teacher allow students (minors) to skip school and be professional?  What would be professional is to give those students detention or suspend them from school.  You are not focusing on education when you let them walk out, you are letting them get out of being educated.  Respectful and balanced discourse could be accomplished if you kept them in class, but I don't see how that takes place when you support them in leaving.  Furthermore, how is this a safe school environment?  This promotes chaos and creates all kinds of safety problems. 

Expecation #3:

• We expect our community to be supportive of student voice, be tolerant of different views, and to be respectful of school policies when it comes to access and interacting with students.

Really?  Supportive of student voice?  What does that even mean?  Apparently it means providing the platform for students to protest instead of attending class.  I'm not saying students shouldn't be able to speak, but they can learn to do it on their own time and on their own dime.  They aren't paying the bills for their school, that's everyone else.  I'm not paying my taxes so the administration can help students walk out.  "Respectful of school policies" - does this mean it is school policy to help students walk out and miss class?  I guess it must.  

Yep, I am upset!  Where are the adults who tell the students to attend class as expected and if they really want to understand protest then they can experience the consequences of protesting as well.  If they want to get signs and protest after school off school grounds, fine.  If they want to call the news channels and do interviews, fine.  If they want to lobby politicians, fine.  If they want to start non-profits to support whatever changes they want, fine.  If they want to walk out of class, fine, as long as they are willing to face appropriate consequences like detention, suspension, or whatever.  

We are teaching our kids to throw tantrums in a "peaceful, respectful, and tolerant" manner.